Should Your Elderly Mother Move Home After She Has Been Widowed?
Many of us will experience having to question whether our elderly mother should move home after she has been widowed.
One elderly parent living alone after having been in a long relationship can be a worry.
And as a couple your parents would probably have had his and her roles in the relationship; one may have done the house-keeping whilst the other organised the paperwork and finances.
When one is left on their own the well-oiled machine of their life can be thrown into chaos.
They have to deal with their grief, the distress of their loneliness, confusion about the different tasks that they may never have done for themselves, plus fear of what is to come.
Sometimes it can be useful to suggest downsizing to something more manageable.
Maintaining the family home can become too much of a burden as one gets older.
Timing is an important part of making this delicate suggestion.
When it's your mother, she may understandably not want to accept the fact that she is less capable than she once was.
And missing your father, her husband of many years, will no doubt provide an added emotional wrench for her.
Moving from the home they shared will entail leaving behind familiar surroundings, the reassurance and comfort of where they lived together, with the additional stress of having to start again somewhere new and on her own.
Here are some thoughts on the subject: - Ask your friends and contacts and discover if they have elderly relatives who have moved into retirement or rest homes.
Find out what their experiences have been.
They may be willing to meet and chat with your mother to share their thoughts and advice.
- Talk with your mother to find out what her concerns are.
She may have fears that you can allay.
Many people are concerned at the prospect of leaving their neighbours and familiar surroundings and then ending up lonely and alone.
Reassure her that many retirement apartments have entertainment programmes, some have social committees that organize talks, trips, coffee mornings and regular events for the residents.
- If she is interested in down-sizing to a retirement apartment go through her finances and reassure her that she will have enough capital to furnish her new home and make it comfortable.
Discuss her expenses and let her know what she will be able to afford if she releases some capital and moves somewhere smaller; she may fancy the idea of holidays or a new car.
- Visit several potential places and obtain information in advance so that you can answer her questions and be clear as to what a move may entail: service charges, car parking spaces, access to the garden for example.
Some places provide a communal laundry area which is allocated on a rota basis, or there may be a guest suite which residents can book when they have visitors come to stay.
- Check out notice boards for social events.
It may be possible for her to attend a function as a guest in order to meet the other residents.
Discuss the benefits of moving whilst she is fit and active enough to mix and meet with other occupants.
This enables her to participate fully, to form relationships and friendships straight away.
- Some residential homes offer short respite breaks.
If she is considering moving into a home why not suggest she try one for a short holiday, to see how she finds the experience.
- Liaise with her family doctor and discuss your concerns.
They may be able to help, offer suggestions, keep an eye on her if you feel that it may be appropriate.
- There are many ways available to support your elderly mother if she chooses to stay in her own home.
Options can include paying for help, meals can be delivered daily, cleaning and companionship can all be brought in, provided by reputable organisations if necessary.
These may be needed in order to maintain her desire to stay in her home.
Unfortunately some of these options are expensive if required over a long period of time.
Your mother may feel that she is losing her independence if she chooses to move somewhere unfamiliar.
It's a major step to take, especially if she has lived in the family home with your father for a long time.
Being sensitive and respecting her wishes whilst offering gentle encouragement is the best approach to take.
Ultimately you have to respect her decision.
One elderly parent living alone after having been in a long relationship can be a worry.
And as a couple your parents would probably have had his and her roles in the relationship; one may have done the house-keeping whilst the other organised the paperwork and finances.
When one is left on their own the well-oiled machine of their life can be thrown into chaos.
They have to deal with their grief, the distress of their loneliness, confusion about the different tasks that they may never have done for themselves, plus fear of what is to come.
Sometimes it can be useful to suggest downsizing to something more manageable.
Maintaining the family home can become too much of a burden as one gets older.
Timing is an important part of making this delicate suggestion.
When it's your mother, she may understandably not want to accept the fact that she is less capable than she once was.
And missing your father, her husband of many years, will no doubt provide an added emotional wrench for her.
Moving from the home they shared will entail leaving behind familiar surroundings, the reassurance and comfort of where they lived together, with the additional stress of having to start again somewhere new and on her own.
Here are some thoughts on the subject: - Ask your friends and contacts and discover if they have elderly relatives who have moved into retirement or rest homes.
Find out what their experiences have been.
They may be willing to meet and chat with your mother to share their thoughts and advice.
- Talk with your mother to find out what her concerns are.
She may have fears that you can allay.
Many people are concerned at the prospect of leaving their neighbours and familiar surroundings and then ending up lonely and alone.
Reassure her that many retirement apartments have entertainment programmes, some have social committees that organize talks, trips, coffee mornings and regular events for the residents.
- If she is interested in down-sizing to a retirement apartment go through her finances and reassure her that she will have enough capital to furnish her new home and make it comfortable.
Discuss her expenses and let her know what she will be able to afford if she releases some capital and moves somewhere smaller; she may fancy the idea of holidays or a new car.
- Visit several potential places and obtain information in advance so that you can answer her questions and be clear as to what a move may entail: service charges, car parking spaces, access to the garden for example.
Some places provide a communal laundry area which is allocated on a rota basis, or there may be a guest suite which residents can book when they have visitors come to stay.
- Check out notice boards for social events.
It may be possible for her to attend a function as a guest in order to meet the other residents.
Discuss the benefits of moving whilst she is fit and active enough to mix and meet with other occupants.
This enables her to participate fully, to form relationships and friendships straight away.
- Some residential homes offer short respite breaks.
If she is considering moving into a home why not suggest she try one for a short holiday, to see how she finds the experience.
- Liaise with her family doctor and discuss your concerns.
They may be able to help, offer suggestions, keep an eye on her if you feel that it may be appropriate.
- There are many ways available to support your elderly mother if she chooses to stay in her own home.
Options can include paying for help, meals can be delivered daily, cleaning and companionship can all be brought in, provided by reputable organisations if necessary.
These may be needed in order to maintain her desire to stay in her home.
Unfortunately some of these options are expensive if required over a long period of time.
Your mother may feel that she is losing her independence if she chooses to move somewhere unfamiliar.
It's a major step to take, especially if she has lived in the family home with your father for a long time.
Being sensitive and respecting her wishes whilst offering gentle encouragement is the best approach to take.
Ultimately you have to respect her decision.
