20 Tips For A Lousy Vacation

Successful travel plans require a certain amount of effort.
Save yourself the bother, and just follow these 20 simple tips for a miserable trip:

Don't shop around.
Accept the first travel package offered.
Cheap airline tickets are always best.
Don't check out the resort.
Those glossy brochures are always accurate.
Travel insurance is a waste of money.
Nothing can go wrong.
Skip the vaccinations.
No one ever gets sick traveling in foreign countries.
Planning ahead is never necessary.
Pack at the last moment.
Don't worry about your checked luggage being overweight.
It won't cost that much.
Put prohibited items in your carry-on.
They are tolerant, and won't object.
Arriving three hours ahead of time for an international flight is nonsense.
Show up at the last-minute.
Be uncooperative at the security screening.
It's only there to annoy you.
Board the plane with no plans for passing the time.
Sixteen hours isn't that long.
Start worrying about what you have to do on arrival as soon as the plane takes off.
Check your watch every two minutes, and listen carefully for strange noises.
Drink plenty of alcohol.
Your fellow passengers love a party animal.
Bother the flight attendants as often as you want.
They have little to do, and it helps them pass the time.
Arrive at your destination with no clear idea of where the resort is, or how to get there.
As soon as you reach the resort, remind them that you expect good service, and don't believe in tipping.
Frequently remind the locals that nothing in their country is as good as it is back home.
Complain loudly about what poor English the staff speak.
The day you arrive, assure everyone that you are dissatisfied and won't return in the future.
Drink lots of tap water.
It will help cleanse your system, and keep you confined to you room, where you can sulk about what a lousy vacation this is.