How to Establish Family Boundaries
- 1). Sit down together as a family to discuss setting up boundaries. Allow older children to have a say in what some of the boundaries will be. Having the whole family together when you set up the rules and expectations means you have a greater chance of everyone following and respecting them.
- 2). Create a list of non-negotiable rules that will be followed in the family no matter what. These could include policies such as being respectful of each other's personal space or eating dinner together as a family at least twice per week. Knowing what you are not willing to compromise on will help you and your family set up appropriate boundaries.
- 3). Decide what boundaries will be enforced and write them down on a piece of paper. Have each family member review the list and sign the paper to demonstrate understanding of the agreed upon boundaries. Hang the list on the refrigerator and provide each family member with their own copy of the list.
- 4). Write down each person's concerns and what each person feels he needs to be comfortable in the family. For example, your teenage son may state he needs at least one hour of private time per night. While you may not agree, you can find ways to incorporate his needs into the greater dynamics of the family.
- 5). Decide upon the appropriate consequences for each violated boundary. These need to be enforced consistently each time a boundary is violated. For example, if disrespecting your sibling means no television for the night, this needs to be enforced each time it happens for the boundary to mean something. Otherwise, they are simply words on a piece of paper.
- 6). Readjust the boundaries as necessary, such as when family dynamics change or children get older. Sit back down as a family and follow the same procedure to re-establish appropriate family boundaries.
