Want To Save Your Marriage & Stop Your Divorce?
How to Have a Successful Marriage: Characteristics to show you the RIGHT way to save your marriage and to stop your divorce, Pt 2: Resolutions of Childhood, Pt. 4.
If you're bold enough to keep reading I'm assuming you're ready to take charge of your life by resolving your past so you can create
the present and future you want. If not, STOP READING! There's no point in you reading this if you are not 100% willing to take
responsibility for your own fulfillment and healing. If you still want to blame, play the victim or martyr, or pretend you're powerless,
the TOOLS, SKILLS & SOLUTIONS in this article are NOT for you!
Here's some PRACTICAL steps you can take to go back to the past - not to blame, but to resolve what's left undone and wounds unhealed:
1. Embrace your past. Embrace the pain, loss, trauma, deprivations you experienced. Don't shut it out, don't minimize it because
if you continue to do so you are minimizing YOURSELF and your experiences. You missed out on some legitimate needs; it's OK to be
hurt and ANGRY about it. Most likely, your anger was either denied, felt unsafe, or not allowed. Anger is a natural reaction to not
getting your needs fulfilled. This is an OPPORTUNITY for you! Yes, an OPPORTUNITY. It's an opportunity for you to go 'back in time'
in a sense and for your present self to go back and comfort your younger self.
No, no, this isn't some wooey-wooey crap. I'm not asking you to adopt a kid or play big brother or sister to someone or go through a
'rebirthing' exercise. I mean you validate how you felt THEN; how you felt in the past. Your current self advocates, or stands up,
for your younger self. You validate the wrongs that occurred.
This WILL seem wierd, at first. But really, it's simply you validating yourself for what you had every RIGHT to get.
Unfortunately, your parents weren't able to give you what you needed growing up. And let me be clear: I'm not blaming your parents;
nor do I want you to blame your parents. They were simply ill-equiped. They never got the right tools, skills, or knowledge to be
as present and available to you as was necessary. And it's not because you were too needy! Your needs, then & now, are normal.
When are parents don't have the necessary skills it is normal and predictable we will miss out & lose out and get hurt.
So yes, the first thing you can do is to accept what happened, begin to validate how you felt then (and now), and advocate for yourself
that you did deserve to have your needs met. This is the first step - acceptance.
2. Begin to journal. This may be new to you and it's a crucial step because it's in journaling you can begin to reflect on what's going
on in your day to day life & interactions. Growing up you most likely DID NOT learn the proper skills for self-reflection. This is why
it's probably difficult for you to identify what you're feeling and WHY you feel the way you do. It's also most likely why you keep
encountering the same challenges, problems, and difficulties in your relationships; having the same arguments and experiencing the same
negative habits and patterns. As you begin journaling you can start to practice these skills of self-reflection.
3. Find a good counselor/therapist/coach who specializes in "Attachment Theory" because if they're good, they'll not only help you 'reclaim'
your past they'll help you connect the dots as to how your past is effecting you in your present. And, they'll help you resolve the
loss from your past and show you how to create a different and better future. This can be a tricky process & I've created a resource for you
to properly navigate the "interviewing" process so you don't end up with a piss poor therapist/counselor/coach. Just go to my site and get
the free gifts you're entitled to.
4. Take 100% responsibility for your life now. Don't blame friends, lovers, family members, co-workers, supervisors, events, situations -
nothing. Make the decision you will be solely responsible for the results you get from this moment on. If you don't have the love, acceptance,
comfort, happiness, peace, fulfillment, you want, it's because you settled for less. Choose to believe your experience in the world and in
relationships is up to you. Don't play small; choose to beleive you have all the power you need to get what you want in life and to create
your life EXACTLY the way you want it.
5. Get connected! No ONE person can meet all of your needs; it's simply not the way God designed us. He did, however, design us to be in
relationship. Relationships are where we get 'fueled up'. If you're looking only to one person to meet your needs, or only yourself for that
matter, you will continue to experience frustration, anger, loss, disappointment; a lack of love, happiness & fulfillment. You will be a SHELL
of what you were meant to (and can) be. Make sure you find SAFE people to whom you're connecting to, however; otherwise your injuries from the
past will simply be repeated, as we've already talked about. It is in SAFE relationships with others you will begin to experience what's called
a "corrective relational experience". What this means to you is you will begin to experience the healing and fulfillment available in
relationship. As you begin to experience this corrective relational experience you will begin to become different in relationship yourself -
the way you hope to be. And, you'll begin to experience the abundance of love, acceptance, fulfillment, happiness, & safety you've always
wanted.
P.S.: If this article was helpful to you, encouraged or supported you, or if you learned something new or were reminded of something
you needed to be reminded of - let me know! I'd love to hear from you!! Also, if you think it would benefit someone you
care about, please do them a favor and "pass it on!"
If you're bold enough to keep reading I'm assuming you're ready to take charge of your life by resolving your past so you can create
the present and future you want. If not, STOP READING! There's no point in you reading this if you are not 100% willing to take
responsibility for your own fulfillment and healing. If you still want to blame, play the victim or martyr, or pretend you're powerless,
the TOOLS, SKILLS & SOLUTIONS in this article are NOT for you!
Here's some PRACTICAL steps you can take to go back to the past - not to blame, but to resolve what's left undone and wounds unhealed:
1. Embrace your past. Embrace the pain, loss, trauma, deprivations you experienced. Don't shut it out, don't minimize it because
if you continue to do so you are minimizing YOURSELF and your experiences. You missed out on some legitimate needs; it's OK to be
hurt and ANGRY about it. Most likely, your anger was either denied, felt unsafe, or not allowed. Anger is a natural reaction to not
getting your needs fulfilled. This is an OPPORTUNITY for you! Yes, an OPPORTUNITY. It's an opportunity for you to go 'back in time'
in a sense and for your present self to go back and comfort your younger self.
No, no, this isn't some wooey-wooey crap. I'm not asking you to adopt a kid or play big brother or sister to someone or go through a
'rebirthing' exercise. I mean you validate how you felt THEN; how you felt in the past. Your current self advocates, or stands up,
for your younger self. You validate the wrongs that occurred.
This WILL seem wierd, at first. But really, it's simply you validating yourself for what you had every RIGHT to get.
Unfortunately, your parents weren't able to give you what you needed growing up. And let me be clear: I'm not blaming your parents;
nor do I want you to blame your parents. They were simply ill-equiped. They never got the right tools, skills, or knowledge to be
as present and available to you as was necessary. And it's not because you were too needy! Your needs, then & now, are normal.
When are parents don't have the necessary skills it is normal and predictable we will miss out & lose out and get hurt.
So yes, the first thing you can do is to accept what happened, begin to validate how you felt then (and now), and advocate for yourself
that you did deserve to have your needs met. This is the first step - acceptance.
2. Begin to journal. This may be new to you and it's a crucial step because it's in journaling you can begin to reflect on what's going
on in your day to day life & interactions. Growing up you most likely DID NOT learn the proper skills for self-reflection. This is why
it's probably difficult for you to identify what you're feeling and WHY you feel the way you do. It's also most likely why you keep
encountering the same challenges, problems, and difficulties in your relationships; having the same arguments and experiencing the same
negative habits and patterns. As you begin journaling you can start to practice these skills of self-reflection.
3. Find a good counselor/therapist/coach who specializes in "Attachment Theory" because if they're good, they'll not only help you 'reclaim'
your past they'll help you connect the dots as to how your past is effecting you in your present. And, they'll help you resolve the
loss from your past and show you how to create a different and better future. This can be a tricky process & I've created a resource for you
to properly navigate the "interviewing" process so you don't end up with a piss poor therapist/counselor/coach. Just go to my site and get
the free gifts you're entitled to.
4. Take 100% responsibility for your life now. Don't blame friends, lovers, family members, co-workers, supervisors, events, situations -
nothing. Make the decision you will be solely responsible for the results you get from this moment on. If you don't have the love, acceptance,
comfort, happiness, peace, fulfillment, you want, it's because you settled for less. Choose to believe your experience in the world and in
relationships is up to you. Don't play small; choose to beleive you have all the power you need to get what you want in life and to create
your life EXACTLY the way you want it.
5. Get connected! No ONE person can meet all of your needs; it's simply not the way God designed us. He did, however, design us to be in
relationship. Relationships are where we get 'fueled up'. If you're looking only to one person to meet your needs, or only yourself for that
matter, you will continue to experience frustration, anger, loss, disappointment; a lack of love, happiness & fulfillment. You will be a SHELL
of what you were meant to (and can) be. Make sure you find SAFE people to whom you're connecting to, however; otherwise your injuries from the
past will simply be repeated, as we've already talked about. It is in SAFE relationships with others you will begin to experience what's called
a "corrective relational experience". What this means to you is you will begin to experience the healing and fulfillment available in
relationship. As you begin to experience this corrective relational experience you will begin to become different in relationship yourself -
the way you hope to be. And, you'll begin to experience the abundance of love, acceptance, fulfillment, happiness, & safety you've always
wanted.
P.S.: If this article was helpful to you, encouraged or supported you, or if you learned something new or were reminded of something
you needed to be reminded of - let me know! I'd love to hear from you!! Also, if you think it would benefit someone you
care about, please do them a favor and "pass it on!"
