Anger Management : Who Can Benefit from Confessing
If you're still somewhat unsure whether you really need this confession exercise in order to control your anger in the days, months, and years ahead, the following sections fill you in on the types of people who need to (and will benefit from) keeping an anger journal. If you see yourself in any of these categories, you can benefit from the experience.
Men in general
There tend to be two distinct types of men:
The latter group far outnumbers the former, interestingly even when it involves getting angry. For every man who loses his cool in public, there are nine more who keep their feelings under control — to the point where they don't even realize that they're angry. A colleague of mine who studies the effect of emotions such as anger, depression, and anxiety on heart disease, made this very point in titling one of his papers, "Men deny and women cry. . . ."
African-American men
Contrary to accounts in the mainstream media, African-American men are much more likely to keep their anger bottled up inside than are African-American women or white men and women. In one public-health survey of over 1,000 residents of an urban Midwest city, African-American men were
almost twice as likely to deny feeling angry or keep such feelings to themselves than white men of comparable age.
Women who cry a lot
Women who engage in more emotional crying are more likely to suppress angry feelings than those who don't cry. Crying because you're slicing onions or have an allergy doesn't count!
People who are prone to guilt
Guilt is a real barrier to emotional expression. For example, one study many years ago found that women who felt guilty about expressing anger toward their parents had higher blood pressure than women who weren't sorry about their outrageous behavior. Many women, I suspect, discover early in life that it's easier to bottle up anger than it is to get rid of guilt.
People who are too empathetic
Normally empathy (being in sync with another person's emotions) is a good thing. But when you have too much empathy, it can cause you to be hide your true emotions so that you don't hurt someone else's feelings.
People who are hostile
Hostility is an attitude that all too often leads to anger. The combination of hostility and anger-suppression tendencies can be lethal when it comes to things like blood pressure and all the health problems that go along with that.
People who lack charisma
If you're charismatic, you have that personal magnetism that allows you to easily attract and influence others. You don't need to keep an anger journal because everyone already knows how you feel about things — good or bad. Actually, that's a big part of your appeal!
But for the less charismatic, emotions are not as easily expressed. Here are some indicators of lacking charisma:
Introverts
An introvert is a private person, someone who tends to be shy and timid. His emotions are not available for public scrutiny. He tends to be serious and cautious about life, and he plays by the rules imposed by society — usually without complaint. Introverts are the proverbial nice guys and gals who tend to say things are fine when they're really not. Introverts are self-contained personalities, so emotional journaling should come easy to them.
Men in general
There tend to be two distinct types of men:
- Those who all too readily express their emotions as they experience them
- Those who deny their feelings and act cool
The latter group far outnumbers the former, interestingly even when it involves getting angry. For every man who loses his cool in public, there are nine more who keep their feelings under control — to the point where they don't even realize that they're angry. A colleague of mine who studies the effect of emotions such as anger, depression, and anxiety on heart disease, made this very point in titling one of his papers, "Men deny and women cry. . . ."
African-American men
Contrary to accounts in the mainstream media, African-American men are much more likely to keep their anger bottled up inside than are African-American women or white men and women. In one public-health survey of over 1,000 residents of an urban Midwest city, African-American men were
almost twice as likely to deny feeling angry or keep such feelings to themselves than white men of comparable age.
Women who cry a lot
Women who engage in more emotional crying are more likely to suppress angry feelings than those who don't cry. Crying because you're slicing onions or have an allergy doesn't count!
People who are prone to guilt
Guilt is a real barrier to emotional expression. For example, one study many years ago found that women who felt guilty about expressing anger toward their parents had higher blood pressure than women who weren't sorry about their outrageous behavior. Many women, I suspect, discover early in life that it's easier to bottle up anger than it is to get rid of guilt.
People who are too empathetic
Normally empathy (being in sync with another person's emotions) is a good thing. But when you have too much empathy, it can cause you to be hide your true emotions so that you don't hurt someone else's feelings.
People who are hostile
Hostility is an attitude that all too often leads to anger. The combination of hostility and anger-suppression tendencies can be lethal when it comes to things like blood pressure and all the health problems that go along with that.
People who lack charisma
If you're charismatic, you have that personal magnetism that allows you to easily attract and influence others. You don't need to keep an anger journal because everyone already knows how you feel about things — good or bad. Actually, that's a big part of your appeal!
But for the less charismatic, emotions are not as easily expressed. Here are some indicators of lacking charisma:
- A subdued laugh
- A neutral facial [removed]you'll make a better poker player!)
- A desire to remain unnoticed in a crowd
Introverts
An introvert is a private person, someone who tends to be shy and timid. His emotions are not available for public scrutiny. He tends to be serious and cautious about life, and he plays by the rules imposed by society — usually without complaint. Introverts are the proverbial nice guys and gals who tend to say things are fine when they're really not. Introverts are self-contained personalities, so emotional journaling should come easy to them.
