I've always found it strange how children born of the same parents
and raised in the same household environment can have such
differing personalities.

My two boys are a prime example. One has always been a more vocal,
more aggressive personality; the other more mellow and laid-back.
And I don't believe it was the result of how they've been raised.

Even now, as teenagers, their differing personality traits are
still evident. But it was definitely a challenge to handle and
parent the more aggressive of my two boys when he was young. So, I
thought I'd share some of what I found out about parenting such
children.

First, it's important to understand why children might display
aggression or anger. It has to do with language skills, or lack
thereof, in young children. Aggression, via actions and
temperament, can result because young children do not have
well-developed language skills. They may understand what's being
said, but they don't have the ability to then express themselves
verbally with the same degree of competence. That leads to
feelings of helplessness, since the child's feelings cannot be
adequately expressed through language. As a result, they "act out"
those feelings of frustration, helplessness and anger.

What can you do about it? First of all, you should make sure your
child's language skills are at a normal stage of development, as
opposed to being hindered by some sort of disability (hearing,
learning, etc.). Even though linguistic skills in children tend to
develop at different rates, if you suspect your child's aggression
might be the result of a physical and/or learning disability,
consider a visit to a speech pathologist or neurologist to rule out
such possibilities.

When talking to your child about aggression, it's important to use
age-appropriate language the child can understand. Begin by first
exploring the child's feelings, and using the words he/she does
know to express those feelings, rather than expressing them
physically (hitting, biting, etc.). You may even try some
role-playing with the child to demonstrate how you would like the
child to behave when expressing negative feelings.

Also, be aware of two very important role models that may be
working to instill the wrong behavior in children: your family,
including any older children in the household; and, of course, the
TV. There's a great deal of conflict and violence on television,
and it can often translate into emulated behavior in children.
Similarly, the way you and your spouse express emotions and settle
disputes can also have a big influence on your children, so keep
that in mind. Even changes to a parent's normal routine (a work
schedule, for example) can trigger aggressive behavior in a child,
so take this into account as well should you see a sudden change in
your child.

Lastly, understand that, like adults, children need to feel they
have some control in their lives. Aggression is often the normal
approach a young child uses to gain or regain control, so
instilling a sense of self-control in children, and consistently
reinforcing this over time ۥ through your conversations,
expectations, occasional interventions, role modeling and
discipline ۥ will help your young children limit or eliminate any
aggressive behaviors.