Maybe Labels Do Matter
Do labels matter? That depends on what kind of label you are thinking about.
In the big picture, clothing labels don't really matter, but feeling labels do.
What happens when you have an emotional reaction? How do you know what to do? If you label a feeling as scared, you might run away.
If you label a feeling as lonely, you might seek out companionship.
During therapy sessions, I have noted that many people start to react to their feelings long before they accurately recognize or label them.
What folks are doing is desperately pushing away the negative emotion without regard to what will actually bring about the desired change.
Consider this example, Beth has been expecting a visit from John.
She has purchased a new outfit, dusted and vacuumed, and put on makeup in anticipation.
John phones about 10 minutes before the date and says his plans have changed.
Beth experiences an intense emotional reaction and accuses John of cheating.
Beth's reaction is based on what emotion? There are several possibilities.
With help, Beth was able to realize that her actual emotion was insecurity.
Beth was not feeling confident about her ability to attract a partner.
If she had been able to recognize this before responding she could have told John that she was feeling insecure, instead of hurling accusations his way.
He would then have the opportunity of reassuring her about her desirability and the result may have been very different.
Instead, John reacted defensively to the accusations and decided not to pursue a relationship with Beth.
In order to get your needs met, you must first identify them.
If you can label your emotions accurately, you are much more likely to find a real solution.
When we respond non-specifically it does allow us to separate from our real feelings and avoid that discomfort, but it also separates us from the possibility of resolution and satisfaction.
In this case, labels really do matter.
In the big picture, clothing labels don't really matter, but feeling labels do.
What happens when you have an emotional reaction? How do you know what to do? If you label a feeling as scared, you might run away.
If you label a feeling as lonely, you might seek out companionship.
During therapy sessions, I have noted that many people start to react to their feelings long before they accurately recognize or label them.
What folks are doing is desperately pushing away the negative emotion without regard to what will actually bring about the desired change.
Consider this example, Beth has been expecting a visit from John.
She has purchased a new outfit, dusted and vacuumed, and put on makeup in anticipation.
John phones about 10 minutes before the date and says his plans have changed.
Beth experiences an intense emotional reaction and accuses John of cheating.
Beth's reaction is based on what emotion? There are several possibilities.
With help, Beth was able to realize that her actual emotion was insecurity.
Beth was not feeling confident about her ability to attract a partner.
If she had been able to recognize this before responding she could have told John that she was feeling insecure, instead of hurling accusations his way.
He would then have the opportunity of reassuring her about her desirability and the result may have been very different.
Instead, John reacted defensively to the accusations and decided not to pursue a relationship with Beth.
In order to get your needs met, you must first identify them.
If you can label your emotions accurately, you are much more likely to find a real solution.
When we respond non-specifically it does allow us to separate from our real feelings and avoid that discomfort, but it also separates us from the possibility of resolution and satisfaction.
In this case, labels really do matter.
