How do you handle "bad" words in your home? Do you simply forbid their use? Do you explain the meaning of the words? Do you use a few bad words yourself which they are not allowed to speak?

Kids are curious. Kids want to fit in with other kids. They want to be cool. They are going to hear bad words. They may and most likely will experiment with bad words. Is forbidding bad words effective? What is the end result you are wishing for with the use of bad words? How do we teach appropriate and useful boundaries concerning language and how it is used.

First do not make discovering bad words a negative experience. Explain the real meaning of those bad words properly. For instance, at dinner we were discussing words used at school by others. The "h-e- double sticks" came up. I say, "You mean hell?" I am the parent so no funny business on my part. We talk about who is saying hell, when they use the word hell, and his friends or the adults he knows using the word hell. Then he promptly asks, "What is hell?" This is my big picture point. I would like to be the one who tells him what the word means, how others use it, and when it might be a very bad idea to use it.
We some how moved on to other words and then came around to gestures. You know the one. He wanted to know if a half bent finger in the middle sticking up had the full meaning of the fully extended finger. His father quickly let him know it did. We talked about it being the intention which others will notice and not if it is done with perfection. Just trying to "shoot the bird" is more than half the fun for little boys. Then after much show €n' tell he says, "What does it mean to do this?" Again I am most delighted to be asked and to be the source of information. I am always honest and say the actual words. I use child friendly explanations. There is no need going into the sexual aspects of this word at the moment. This is a decision made based on age and a child's level of knowledge about worldly matters. At this time it is satisfactory to let him know this word has a very strong meaning of anger. That it is the worst word and it means I am really going to get you or I am seriously angry at you and want to hurt you. I found it quite amusing when he asked, "Why do people say shooting the middle finger means you hate God?" Interesting how people are unclear and ambiguous when explaining things to children or how children create their own definitions based on our reactions.

Allow your children to bring home new lingo, say bad words the first time, share it with you, discuss it with you and be educated by you about the meaning of that word. You can then suggest guidelines for using that word that fit your parenting style. Your parenting advice or rules will have far more impact if you are willing to talk about newly discovered words and their meaning.