Who Ever Said Grown Men Don"t Cry Never Saw One Passing A Kidney Stone
It was a quick pregnancy. I didn't even know I was expecting. Now I am the proud father of a 2 millimeter shard of kidney stone. One minute I didn't have a care in the world and the next thing I know, BAM! It hit me. I have never felt pain like that before, it was like I was incorrectly lifting a tree out of the ground and while I was busy doing that, someone decided to sneak up and kick me in the groin, in 5 minute intervals.
Barely able to help me get in the mini van, it was a struggle for my wife to load me and then we were off to the Emergency Room. We have taken 14 hour road trips to see family several times, and this 20-minute journey to the hospital, made those feel like quick jaunts.
We finally made it and I was whisked through triage and received my stylish standard issue open back dress and an I.V. of their best fluid. The most pain-relieving thing I could do was pace. I looked like a semi-clean cut Ozzy Osborne shuffling around begging for drugs with my butt hanging out of my dress. I felt kind of bad for my wife because she wanted to help but there was really nothing she could do.
Bad pain like that really zaps your energy, I can totally understand the mean things that come out of the mouths of women in labor. I wanted to say to my wife, "Honey, there really isn't anything you can do, but thanks for asking." Oddly enough it came out "You did this to me!! You made me eat and drink this diet, and I want flippin' drugs now!"
At last I received my drugs, or as they were known in the ER, "the good stuff". Not long after the pain relief kicked in I remember happily thinking Dilaudid would be a beautiful name for a girl if we were ever to have one. They sent me for a Cat Scan, and with "the good stuff" on a slow drip I asked if they spotted any cats. They said no but they did verify that it was Kidney Stones and sent me home to drink gallons of water and strain my urine. I never had to do anything like that before. The closest thing was when I was young we went on a vacation to North Carolina and we mined for gem stones. It was like that only without the dirt.
Half way through the next day it happened, it passed. Later that day I got a call from a friend who said he mentioned my ordeal to his mother and she said "Tell Greg to go up to his wife and thank her for having their baby." Not that I have not done that but it occurred to me, no one offered ME an Epidural.
Barely able to help me get in the mini van, it was a struggle for my wife to load me and then we were off to the Emergency Room. We have taken 14 hour road trips to see family several times, and this 20-minute journey to the hospital, made those feel like quick jaunts.
We finally made it and I was whisked through triage and received my stylish standard issue open back dress and an I.V. of their best fluid. The most pain-relieving thing I could do was pace. I looked like a semi-clean cut Ozzy Osborne shuffling around begging for drugs with my butt hanging out of my dress. I felt kind of bad for my wife because she wanted to help but there was really nothing she could do.
Bad pain like that really zaps your energy, I can totally understand the mean things that come out of the mouths of women in labor. I wanted to say to my wife, "Honey, there really isn't anything you can do, but thanks for asking." Oddly enough it came out "You did this to me!! You made me eat and drink this diet, and I want flippin' drugs now!"
At last I received my drugs, or as they were known in the ER, "the good stuff". Not long after the pain relief kicked in I remember happily thinking Dilaudid would be a beautiful name for a girl if we were ever to have one. They sent me for a Cat Scan, and with "the good stuff" on a slow drip I asked if they spotted any cats. They said no but they did verify that it was Kidney Stones and sent me home to drink gallons of water and strain my urine. I never had to do anything like that before. The closest thing was when I was young we went on a vacation to North Carolina and we mined for gem stones. It was like that only without the dirt.
Half way through the next day it happened, it passed. Later that day I got a call from a friend who said he mentioned my ordeal to his mother and she said "Tell Greg to go up to his wife and thank her for having their baby." Not that I have not done that but it occurred to me, no one offered ME an Epidural.
