Criticizing Teenagers: 3 Helpful Questions for a Difficult Task
Criticizing teenagers is at best a delicate issue.
So often it can lead to the young person feeling bad, defending themselves, starting an argument or even walking out of the room and slamming the door behind them.
We need to ask ourselves, if the point we'd like to make is actually important enough to bring up, as choosing our battles carefully can save us a lot of energy and bring focus to the issues that really matter.
In addition to that, going over the following 3-point mental checklist before proceeding can maximize our chances of achieving a positive outcome.
WHY
Even if we have a healthy self-esteem and know that the other person means well, it often hurts our feelings.
How much more difficult is it then for adolescents, who are still developing their emotional and mental faculties?
So often it can lead to the young person feeling bad, defending themselves, starting an argument or even walking out of the room and slamming the door behind them.
We need to ask ourselves, if the point we'd like to make is actually important enough to bring up, as choosing our battles carefully can save us a lot of energy and bring focus to the issues that really matter.
In addition to that, going over the following 3-point mental checklist before proceeding can maximize our chances of achieving a positive outcome.
WHY
- Is it actually going to be beneficial for the young person?
- Will it improve our relationship and interaction?
- Or is it just going to boost our ego in some way?
- Has the young person the resources (intelligence, maturity etc.
) to be able to understand our point of view or would it be better to wait some weeks, months or even a year or two before bringing up this issue? - A time of conflict or animosity is obviously not the best time to criticize anybody and if we're hoping to have any influence at all, it's always worthwhile to wait for a time of calm and good rapport.
- Is it best to discuss the relevant topic verbally or could it help to put it in writing? An indirect approach is often less confrontational.
- Sandwiching the critical message between a positive beginning and ending can soften a perceived blow.
- Demonstrating humility by admitting to our personal shortcomings sets a good example and hopefully ensures that the discussion doesn't lead to a battle between the egos.
- Strictly sticking to the facts without generalizations and exaggerations can help prevent the conversation escalating into an emotional and fruitless argument.
Even if we have a healthy self-esteem and know that the other person means well, it often hurts our feelings.
How much more difficult is it then for adolescents, who are still developing their emotional and mental faculties?
