Six Effective Ways to Parent Teenagers and Stay Sane
There is no doubt about it, parenting teenagers is frustrating and stressful at its worst.
At its best it is fun, exciting and fulfilling.
The problem is that frustration and stress seem to predominate for such a long time.
So how do we cope with the years of turmoil between 12 and 20 so that when the teenage years are over we still have our sanity and the friendship of those who nearly drove us to the brink? Here are a few suggestions that worked for us.
1.
Care enough to set limits and establish rules.
Just make sure that the limits set and the rules established are reasonable and few in number.
You don't make any progress when you set too many rules and then don't enforce them or when the rules you set are unreasonable.
2.
Negotiate with your teens.
Let them state what they want; you state what you want and then try to reach a negotiated compromise somewhere in between.
Not all issues are negotiable but when you have one that is then negotiate.
3.
Treat your teenager like you would an adult, but don't always expect adult behaviour from them.
We are told that the teenaged brain doesn't fully develop until the early twenties so cut them some slack when it comes to their behaviour and decisions.
It just might help to recall your behaviour and decisions at this time of your life.
4.
Don't preach at them.
Adolescents hate preaching by their parents and will turn you off when you do.
There are three things than teenagers hate when it comes to parent or teacher relationships...
being yelled at, being preached at, and being put down with sarcasm and ridicule.
Avoid these at all costs.
5.
Practise the three R's of effective parenting.
LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN.
I always say that there is nothing more powerful or effective as the undivided attention of another human being.
We just don't listen very well and this can be disastrous when it comes to parent/teen relationships.
Most people are "ME DEEP" in conversation.
6.
When you're wrong, say you're sorry.
When you do, you are teaching them an invaluable lesson in human relationships.
There is nothing more healing than the phrase, "I'm sorry" but many of us just can't seem to get those two simple words out of our mouths even when they are present in our hearts.
At its best it is fun, exciting and fulfilling.
The problem is that frustration and stress seem to predominate for such a long time.
So how do we cope with the years of turmoil between 12 and 20 so that when the teenage years are over we still have our sanity and the friendship of those who nearly drove us to the brink? Here are a few suggestions that worked for us.
1.
Care enough to set limits and establish rules.
Just make sure that the limits set and the rules established are reasonable and few in number.
You don't make any progress when you set too many rules and then don't enforce them or when the rules you set are unreasonable.
2.
Negotiate with your teens.
Let them state what they want; you state what you want and then try to reach a negotiated compromise somewhere in between.
Not all issues are negotiable but when you have one that is then negotiate.
3.
Treat your teenager like you would an adult, but don't always expect adult behaviour from them.
We are told that the teenaged brain doesn't fully develop until the early twenties so cut them some slack when it comes to their behaviour and decisions.
It just might help to recall your behaviour and decisions at this time of your life.
4.
Don't preach at them.
Adolescents hate preaching by their parents and will turn you off when you do.
There are three things than teenagers hate when it comes to parent or teacher relationships...
being yelled at, being preached at, and being put down with sarcasm and ridicule.
Avoid these at all costs.
5.
Practise the three R's of effective parenting.
LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN.
I always say that there is nothing more powerful or effective as the undivided attention of another human being.
We just don't listen very well and this can be disastrous when it comes to parent/teen relationships.
Most people are "ME DEEP" in conversation.
6.
When you're wrong, say you're sorry.
When you do, you are teaching them an invaluable lesson in human relationships.
There is nothing more healing than the phrase, "I'm sorry" but many of us just can't seem to get those two simple words out of our mouths even when they are present in our hearts.
