The air's getting colder, the days are shorter, the kids are back in school.
Even as grownups, fall still feels like an opportunity for a fresh start, a jumping-off point to learn new things and start activities you've been putting off all summer.
Time to join a gym? Start walking more? Tackle the sad state of your refrigerator? Nah.
You'll hear enough of those tips the day after your gluttonous New Year's celebration Why not take advantage of the freshness of fall to do a little light housekeeping for your emotional life? Maybe it's time to feel better about your relationships - are they a little to full of drama? Are your personal interactions often more stressful that you'd like? It might be time to take stock and exercise some new muscles.
Adam Carolla has a couple of terms I find helpful when I think about keeping my personal life in shape.
One of them involves "burning calories," the other "dancing.
" Where are you burning your calories? Are you burning valuable emotional calories when your life would be less stressful if you just calmed down? Is there someone at work who gets you going? Does Bill make you roll your eyes and think up ways to make him realize how his viewpoint, competed assignment, or very personal essence is wrong? Are you having negative daydreams about putting him in his place once and for all? Or worse, giving in to your petty side and spending the energy it takes to act out your dastardly plans? If so, what is that doing for you? Nothing good.
Focusing on the negative, especially on the negative aspects of someone else, is bad for your own emotional fitness.
If you're only working one side of the equation, just like only stretching one quadricep after a run, the other side will lose out.
Finding the positive, or even just one lighter shade of gray, in someone else will keep your outlook balanced.
Bill's got his own thing going, you aren't going to change him, and how vital is it that he agrees with your opinion on PCs versus Macs? Who are you dancing with? Do you keep "dancing," or engaging in negative interactions, with someone who seems to thrive on creating chaos, or feeds off your discomfort? Are you partnering right up with someone who is burning unnecessary calories on you? Stop it.
It does take two to tango (sorry) and if they lose their dance partner they won't be able to make you feel like you have two left feet.
If you start to participate in their chaos, they'll only grow more confident leading you around.
And what are you getting out of that? Probably nothing.
In fact you're probably experiencing a kind of stress whose source you cannot fully pin down.
You don't have to keep dancing.
You can end that weirdly upsetting conversation with Doris by the copy machine whenever you want.
Just politely wrap it up and walk away.
You can stop going out to lunch with Jenny the drama queen if her monologues blaming everyone else for her problems give you a stomachache.
You actually have the power to leave the dance floor.
Give yourself permission.
You're the common denominator in every single interaction you engage in with others, and you are allowed to have an effect on their outcome.
You can work on your personal relationships the same way you target your abs and biceps.
There's plenty of time to work on your emotional life before the New Year.
Who knows, you might even enjoy the holidays.
(You should look up Adam Carolla's cranberry sauce recipe.
I'm telling you, that guy's a genius.
)