You can be forgiven for feeling totally confused after a breakup. If you didn't see it coming then it must have hit you like a truck. The thing is, breakups aren't accidents. They don't just happen. So from where you're standing, it all looks like a mystery. You didn't want it to end and you want him back. But if he didn't want to be with you anymore, how do you stand a chance?

Well, the crucial bit of information you need - why he left - may be easier to determine than it seems. Men are generally not so complex and their emotional needs often come down to a very simple set of requirements. You're probably imagining that all kinds of demands and longings and fantasies are behind his actions but you might be surprised to hear the truth.

These days of course, men will often visit therapists for help in sorting out their emotional problems and there are very few problems worse than dealing with a breakup... which is why the data gathered by therapists can be so illuminating.

Their surveys show that the single most common reason for a man to break off a serious relationship is that he is convinced nothing he does can make his girlfriend happy anymore. It's that simple and that sad. How could you have missed it? Is that really all it would have taken?

Well, probably, yes. It's a shame it all had to go so far but the good thing about discovering this is that it puts the power in your hands to put it right. What he needed from you was appreciation of his importance to you. That's a very important emotional need. So if he felt taken for granted when in fact you loved the way he made you feel, you've got to show him he was wrong. If you're happy then make sure he knows it and don't let him forget it again.