Looking for Peace in the Aftermath
Looking for Peace in the Aftermath
Sept. 20, 2001 -- As the death toll mounts and the bodies of the fallen are recovered, the funerals will begin. But the process raises some painful questions. Will friends and family members of the victims ever find closure and peace if their loved ones are never found? How will all those memorial services and funerals affect the nation? Will they help us heal?
Returning to the status quo -- to normalcy -- doesn't come easily in such a crisis, says Tony Grasha, PhD, professor of applied psychology at the University of Cincinnati.
For victims' loved ones, "The uncertainty associated with what happened, what could happen next, and the mental images of a loved one buried under tons of debris just adds to the misery. There's no doubt about it," Grasha tells WebMD.
"You wonder what their last moments were like, about the fun you had together, what you could have done," he says. "The grief is about knowing what happened and about the interruption of the relationship, of their lives."
All the "what ifs" can be haunting. What if I'd asked him to stay home today because he had a cold? What if we had taken that vacation this week? "These are questions we ask ourselves to help us cope," Grasha says. "They help provide an explanation in absence of an explanation." These questions are a sign that people are processing what has happened, he says, which "gives a sense that things could have been different, which is better than thinking nothing could have been different. It's our defenses helping us adapt to the future."
Some people hold out and continue to hope longer than others. Everyone is different, he tells WebMD. But when the search for victims stops, when a memorial is finally established on the disaster site, that's when the truth becomes indisputable. "When that process begins, you pretty much know it's over. You take what you have and try to move on.
"People eventually become resigned to the inevitable ... that the person is not coming back," Grasha tells WebMD. "But you still wish you could have buried them, said goodbye. That final act of closure, that's what you're denied."
Looking for Peace in the Aftermath
Sept. 20, 2001 -- As the death toll mounts and the bodies of the fallen are recovered, the funerals will begin. But the process raises some painful questions. Will friends and family members of the victims ever find closure and peace if their loved ones are never found? How will all those memorial services and funerals affect the nation? Will they help us heal?
Returning to the status quo -- to normalcy -- doesn't come easily in such a crisis, says Tony Grasha, PhD, professor of applied psychology at the University of Cincinnati.
For victims' loved ones, "The uncertainty associated with what happened, what could happen next, and the mental images of a loved one buried under tons of debris just adds to the misery. There's no doubt about it," Grasha tells WebMD.
"You wonder what their last moments were like, about the fun you had together, what you could have done," he says. "The grief is about knowing what happened and about the interruption of the relationship, of their lives."
All the "what ifs" can be haunting. What if I'd asked him to stay home today because he had a cold? What if we had taken that vacation this week? "These are questions we ask ourselves to help us cope," Grasha says. "They help provide an explanation in absence of an explanation." These questions are a sign that people are processing what has happened, he says, which "gives a sense that things could have been different, which is better than thinking nothing could have been different. It's our defenses helping us adapt to the future."
Some people hold out and continue to hope longer than others. Everyone is different, he tells WebMD. But when the search for victims stops, when a memorial is finally established on the disaster site, that's when the truth becomes indisputable. "When that process begins, you pretty much know it's over. You take what you have and try to move on.
"People eventually become resigned to the inevitable ... that the person is not coming back," Grasha tells WebMD. "But you still wish you could have buried them, said goodbye. That final act of closure, that's what you're denied."
