How to Settle a Church Conflict
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Confess to God and others your contribution to the conflict.Jupiterimages/Photos.com/Getty Images
Pray for perspective and a teachable heart. Study the Bible and seek for the characteristics of a God-honoring attitude, such as meekness (Galatians 6:1), purity (Philippians 4:8), humility (James 4:10), forgiveness (Ephesians 4:31-32) and patience (James 1:19-20). Evaluate if your speech has honored Ephesians 4:29 in being wholesome and helpful for building others up.
Ask God and others to reveal what your part in the conflict has been. Follow Matthew 7:1-5 and deal with this sin in your heart and life before attempting to speak into others. Confess and ask for forgiveness where appropriate. - 2
Meet privately to personally address the conflict.Rayes/Photodisc/Getty Images
Meet with the key individuals who are at the core of the conflict. Listen to their side of things again, and repeat what you have heard back to them to verify what they said. Read or paraphrase Matthew 18:15 and remind them of their responsibility to work out their problems in a way that honors Jesus Christ. Ask if they will humbly engage in this process in love (Ephesians 4:15) and not to be proven right. Encourage them to attack the problem rather than any people they are at odds with to clarifying the end goal and restore relationships. - 3
Take along another mature Christian to help sort through the conflict.Jupiterimages/Photos.com/Getty Images
Follow up on any unsuccessful individual conversations by setting up a second meeting. Include another mature Christian or mutual friend to help mediate the conflict (Matthew 18:16). Choose someone who will help you and those in conflict with each other to better hear each other. Ask the mediator to outline steps for everyone to take. - 4
Select church leaders to speak biblical truth and guidance into the conflict.Jupiterimages/Polka Dot/Getty Images
Utilize the church leadership to direct additional biblical direction into the conflict. Appoint spiritually mature representatives who are trained in scripture and theology if none are in place to serve the interests of Jesus Christ in the situation. Instruct them to listen to the parties and previous mediators, and ask the people in conflict to follow Hebrews 13:17 and submit to guidance. - 5
Nurture prayer within a church that is divided by conflict.Stockbyte/Valueline/Getty Images
Invite an outside mediator, such as denominational leadership or friends from another local church. Utilize professional groups such as Peacemaker Ministries to help rebuild trust and establish internal healing. Excommunicate only when an individual has a rebellious or sinful heart and will not work with anyone to resolve it.
