Taking Care of Parents Financially
- According to the "New York Times," about 30 percent of Americans help their parents out financially. This assistance can range from casual loans as needed to the elderly parent living with and being supported by the child, or living in an assisted living situation that is paid for by the children. A number of factors maintain this high percentage of elderly people who need assistance from their children, including the high cost of prescription drugs and medical care, the economic downturn that began in 2008, affecting many investments and retirement funds and the trend toward longer lives that is creating larger numbers of very elderly people.
- Caring for a parent, whether physically, emotionally or financially, can create unfamiliar feelings in both the child and parent. A society that is focused on youth tends to be somewhat uncomfortable with the frailty of age to begin with, and in this situation this discomfort can be coupled with the apparent role reversal of a needy parent being cared for by a powerful child. Acceptance of the need for this, and open communication about the situation, can help both parties feel more at ease.
- The presence of siblings in a situation involving a needy parent can be a double edged sword. On one hand, it can distribute the burdens of emotion, time and money between multiple people. On the other hand, siblings who have strong differences about how to appropriately deal with their aging parents can become estranged or hostile. Daughters and siblings who live closest to the parents frequently take on the brunt of the responsibility. Tensions also can be particularly marked between siblings who have notably different financial profiles. Decisions about whether the financial burden should be divided equally or according to ability to pay can cause troublesome divisions in the family.
- Having straightforward conversations with your parents and your siblings long before difficult situations present themselves is advisable for any family. Trying to work out divisions of labor and finances in the midst of a crisis involving one or both of your parents can be a recipe for disaster. If adult siblings and their parents talk about these issues when the parents are still in good health, they will be better able to maintain an emotional distance and to resolve issues productively.
- Having a needy parent live with you is less expensive than putting them into an assisted living home, but can very easily take over your life. On the other hand, many children feel guilty about putting their parents into a place where they don't necessarily want to be. Ideally, elderly people can continue to live independently, even if they are receiving financial help from their children. In the less-than-ideal real world, families should work together to create a solution that is most appropriate for their particular situation.
