A College Student"s Memo to Parents of College Students
Whether your child is a new freshman or a weathered senior, it can be challenging to watch him move hundreds or even thousands of miles away from home. We college students recognize this too; moving away often entails heartbreaking goodbyes to people and places we never imagined we'd have to leave.
But with that being said, the journey to college is a shock to our system. All the restlessness we've built up throughout nearly twenty years of close supervision is alleviated in an environment where we can finally make our own lifestyle decisions for the first time. Our desire to learn more about the world outside of our hometown is finally granted, as we meet interesting people from all different parts of the globe. We finally have a space that is truly ours; we are freed from the daily interrogations, negotiations, and quibbles that marked our adolescence. These new conditions distract us, and for a few years of our lives, they will fully consume us.
What parents should realize is that we do, in fact, love you and appreciate everything you've done for us; it just might take some of us until later in our lives to call you every day and let you know about it. Right now is a time for us to be as independent as possible. You know us better than anyone: you know that we will definitely make mistakes, and you might even be able to anticipate how they will pan out. However, we are young and resilient, and for the first time, it is our job to learn from our own mistakes.
We want you to support us in this endeavor by keeping in moderate contact with us: you should know about the gist of our lives and our general well being, but you can't be hurt if we choose to keep the details to ourselves. It is reasonable to expect to hear about our grades, general details about our new friends, and how we're getting along with our roommate. But it is no longer your responsibility to make sure we're wearing a sweater when it's cold out; to decide whether or not we're home at a decent hour; or to know what we've been eating for breakfast. We will notice when you give us the freedom to make our own decisions; it strengthens our shared sense of trust with you and improves our relationship overall.
However, one great paradox inherent in maintaining limited contact with us is that there will definitely be times when we need you. These times might be frantic or desperate, involving trouble with friends, money, classes, or even the law. They could occur at all hours of the day and any day of the week. As important as your job or daily routines may be, you need to prove to us that you are consistently available in these types of situations. This will add to our underlying sense of trust, and will remind us in a very tangible way that, no matter what, you are closer to us than anyone.
But with that being said, the journey to college is a shock to our system. All the restlessness we've built up throughout nearly twenty years of close supervision is alleviated in an environment where we can finally make our own lifestyle decisions for the first time. Our desire to learn more about the world outside of our hometown is finally granted, as we meet interesting people from all different parts of the globe. We finally have a space that is truly ours; we are freed from the daily interrogations, negotiations, and quibbles that marked our adolescence. These new conditions distract us, and for a few years of our lives, they will fully consume us.
What parents should realize is that we do, in fact, love you and appreciate everything you've done for us; it just might take some of us until later in our lives to call you every day and let you know about it. Right now is a time for us to be as independent as possible. You know us better than anyone: you know that we will definitely make mistakes, and you might even be able to anticipate how they will pan out. However, we are young and resilient, and for the first time, it is our job to learn from our own mistakes.
We want you to support us in this endeavor by keeping in moderate contact with us: you should know about the gist of our lives and our general well being, but you can't be hurt if we choose to keep the details to ourselves. It is reasonable to expect to hear about our grades, general details about our new friends, and how we're getting along with our roommate. But it is no longer your responsibility to make sure we're wearing a sweater when it's cold out; to decide whether or not we're home at a decent hour; or to know what we've been eating for breakfast. We will notice when you give us the freedom to make our own decisions; it strengthens our shared sense of trust with you and improves our relationship overall.
However, one great paradox inherent in maintaining limited contact with us is that there will definitely be times when we need you. These times might be frantic or desperate, involving trouble with friends, money, classes, or even the law. They could occur at all hours of the day and any day of the week. As important as your job or daily routines may be, you need to prove to us that you are consistently available in these types of situations. This will add to our underlying sense of trust, and will remind us in a very tangible way that, no matter what, you are closer to us than anyone.