Josh is a seven-year old sandy-haired little boy who is a bundle of energy and is oppositional in every way possible.
He is very manipulative.
He comes from a domestic violence home where the mom is now divorced from the father.
The mom came into my office dragging Josh who was crying with her.
He curled up in a ball in the middle of the floor.
Mom had a meltdown in my office saying he lost his day care because he threatened to call Social Services on his day care provider for touching him in inappropriate places because he did not want to do what she wanted him to do.
He wanted to get her in trouble.
Josh is very impulsive and he does not think through the consequences of what he says.
He still did not believe he lost day care when I saw him.
What do you do with a child who acts this way? Josh is telling his story.
He is depicting in his anger the anger he saw in his father.
By expressing his anger, he gets out of doing what he has to do.
He makes a threat and then he loses his support, just like his father left him.
He plays out this story daily.
He plays it out in my office every week.
He is crying out for connectedness with another and for someone to hear him.
My job is to make a connection with him.
We are still not connected.
We do not have a secure attachment.
I have to be with him in the moment and let him play out his story in play.
We call this getting him to use his right brain.
Talk therapy, uses the left brain, however it does not cause an emotional change in the child.
Talk therapy, uses the left brain and does not connect with the right brain, where emotional learning takes place.
I have to connect with his right brain that play can get to in children.
It will take time as it is so ingrained in Josh.
We want to change the neural circuitry of his body and his mind in order to allow it to take in new information (see Dan Siegel for more detailed information on the brain.
) The brain is a complex circuitry where neurons fire four times per second in order to acquire new information.
This is a lot of information to take in.
We cannot possibly take in as much information that the brain picks up on.
We only pick up thirty-three percent of information we receive at a time.
We will never consciously pick up the other sixty-seven percent of information firing in our brain.
How do we make ourselves receptive to new information coming in? In children, we do this through unconditional positive regard and accepting the space they are in.
We have to be open vehicles for change and mirror receptivity to the children so they can learn receptivity and create new neuronal circuitry in their bodies.
While the brain is one organ in the body, learning comes from the gut, up to the heart, to the brain.
This accounts for eighty percent of learning.
From the brain down to the heart and the gut, only accounts for twenty percent of learning.
Here we are talking about right brain learning.
To make major changes in therapy we need to work through the right brain.
What I learned is that when I listen to my instincts they are typically correct.
Sometimes my brain fights these instincts.
I need to listen to my gut more and work from there as that is where the beginning of change takes place.
My instincts are usually correct.
Working with Josh, I am doing the right thing.
Sometimes I am not always perfect.
I have to take a minute and sit with myself and take three deep breathes to re-center myself to receptivity and not focus on language, but rather let him lead the way and work through play to rewire his neuro-circuitry.
There is still a lot I need to learn about the brain and how it works with the rest of the body.
There is so much out there and there is new studies coming out all the time.