It's dinner time. The food is hot and on the table, and you are just waiting for your 10-year old to bring over the milk from the refrigerator. He opens the refrigerator door, takes out the milk, and then before he can even close the door, he drops the milk and it spills all over the kitchen floor.

He looks at you. His reactions are mixed. At first he may be surprised, then frightened of how you may react, and then, in self defense, a little belligerent.

You are hungry. Your family is waiting for dinner, and now, in addition to your frustration over wasted money, you have a mess to clean up. How do you react?

Do you start yelling at your child- telling them how careless they are, and how they have wasted money?

Do you threaten to take the cost of the milk out of their allowance- no matter how long it takes?

If they've done this before, do you remind them of it?

Advice

This is an occasion when you better step back and look at the whole picture.

What is more important- some spilled milk, or your child's feelings?

Except for some rare children that have a behavior disorder that needs medical attention, accidents happen to everyone. This is a golden opportunity for you to r to you child that he is more important than some spilled milk.

Be prepared to hold your frustration in advance. Be ready with a comforting "It's ok, honey, accidents happen to everyone".

There might even be an occasion when your child wants to "test" your reaction. He might even do it on purpose. If you suspect this to be the case, you might want to think about where he is getting his insecurity.

They say "If you get a lemon, make lemonade". Make spilled milk an opportunity to show your unconditional love for your child.

One other thing to remember- children learn by example. Be sure to treat other children in the same positive way that you treat your own child. I heard a story many years ago that I have always remembered. It is a wonderful example of being sensitive to the feelings of children. I will relate it the best I can.

The story was told by a woman who had been sitting on a bench at a county fair. She was observing the people passing by her. She took notice of a young teenage girl who looked to be attending the fair with her boyfriend.

The girl was all dressed up in a pretty dress that she had obviously just sewn. She could tell it was hand sewn from the "fold" that went down the front of her dress (which you often get when you cut the dress out with the front on the fold of the fabric).

The young girl was obviously having a good time, walking along and smiling with her young man. A little boy was a short distance away. He had just bought an ice cream cone, and turn and ran excitedly back towards his parents. In his haste, he ran straight into the young woman, spilling and "smashing" the ice cream all over this young woman's dress.

How do you think she reacted? How would you react? Well, this young lady was well trained. Without any concern for herself, she looked down at the disappointed and somewhat frightened little boy, and turning to link her arm with the young man beside her, said to the young boy, (referring to her boyfriend), - "Don't worry- he'll buy you another one."

Not only was she sensitive to the feelings of this little boy, who had just lost his "precious" ice cream cone, but she gave her boyfriend the opportunity to "shine"- not only in her eyes, but in the eyes of the small child.

The dress may have been soiled, but that dress is long gone; while this wonderful example of selflessness is not forgotten.