Altruistic Gestures
I'm not one of those Shop 'Til You Drop sort of gals. Many women will consider me a traitor to my gender to admit this, but shopping malls are the last place I want to spend more than an hour in. I'd rather swoop in quickly, grab whatever is needed, and then go somewhere else. Anywhere else!
Not a Fan of Obligatory Gift Shopping?
As the holidays approach each year I tend to cringe just thinking about making gift lists, attending social events, baking goodies, etc.
Why do we put so much emphasis and expectations on certain dates? When they don't go well they can be a major disappointment.
I'm certainly not a fan of obligatory gift buying for special occasions such as birthdays, weddings, showers, anniversaries, graduations, etc. Not because I am not a generous person, I am. I enjoy sharing with others. But, I abhor feeling pressured to produce the perfect gift for a specific occasion within a set time-frame. I am usually very picky when selecting gifts for others, I want to find the perfect gift, one that will either delight or meet a need that will be appreciated.
Too often I have spent hours (hours I can never get back) searching for that elusive perfect gift or greeting card. At times I would have to settle on something not so great. With the less-than-special gift in hand I would head home feeling disappointed and exhausted from my search. Internet shopping has helped my sore feet, but I've also lost hours of my lifetime doing online searches for gifts.
Oh, and then there are those times when I thought I had secured the perfect gift only to realize later the recipient wasn't as thrilled as I had imagined. The feeling is disheartening. No matter how hard a recipient attempts to convey gratitude I can tell when a gift bombs by their facial expression or a subtle reaction that shows disappointment. Sometimes you just can't get it right no matter how hard you try. Disappointing gift exchanges can be uncomfortable for both giver and receiver.
Try Non-Obligatory Gifting
I normally will gift family members and friends on their birthdays and Christmas, but it is not a rule of thumb. I was weirded out once when my mother telephoned me a couple of days after Christmas to thank me for the TV Guide subscription her and dad had been given. One of their store venders paid for the subscription as a thank you for their business, but the gift card hadn't been obvious who the gifter was. Since they hadn't received anything from me they assumed the gift-subscription was my gift to them. AWKWARD. I had spent Christmas Day in New Orleans that year instead of going to my parents' home for the holiday. I had a New Year's gift ready to send off in a couple of days, but now it was going to look like an after thought or apology gift for skipping Christmas.
It you decide to switch from obligatory-gifting to a looser gifting philosophy, -- give when you feel like it, not when it is expected -- be sure to give your friends and family a heads up! Otherwise they may feel you forgot them or are upset with them for some reason when their birthday rolls around and they don't get the usual gift.
My parents are very much aware now that I don't do obligatory gifting. I don't skip Christmas gifts for them any longer. But birthdays, Father's Day, and Mother's Day are often acknowledged solely with a greeting card and a phone call. I reserve gift giving for non-holidays or unbirthdays. Anytime I see something that I think they would like and it is within my budget I'll go ahead pick it up and have it shipped to them right way. Or, I'll tuck it away to surprise them with in person on a future visit.
I never miss acknowledging my own children's or grandchildren's birthdays with a gift. That would be unthinkable for a mom/grandmother. Besides, finding the perfect gift for my grown kids is not difficult. Can you spell M O N E Y ?
